i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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