i was rollin on her like bob the builder
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
