I hate your face
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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