I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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