I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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