I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
