Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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