There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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