So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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