i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
