Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
