Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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