You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
