I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize