the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
