I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
