honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
