i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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