brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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