you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
