so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
