Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
