Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
