Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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