just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
