I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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