so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
