You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
