You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
