i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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