How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize