dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am available for nakedness
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
