toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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