i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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