I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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