Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize