well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
