I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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