I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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