Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Terrible idea I love it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
