i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
