Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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