It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
