Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
