just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
