something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
