I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
