life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
