so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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