Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
