whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
