I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
