You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
