I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
