you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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