Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
