At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
