ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My dick has a subreddit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
