When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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