When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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