So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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