??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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