Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
