I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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